What are you afraid of? People are afraid of many different things; some seem to be afraid of nothing, others… of everything. In no particular order, some of the more common fears that people have: public speaking, crowds, spiders/snakes, clowns, heights.
For me in particular, I have a few years as well. I know, I know, that may come as a shock to most people who think I’m completely fearless. In a rare moment of self-revelation, what I want to do right now is share a couple of my fears with you, how they have affected me as a pastor, and what I’m doing about it.
I used to be a major perfectionist. I would work and work and work to make sure that everything was perfect. I was unhappy with myself for missing a few questions on a quiz or test. I once pulled an all-nighter in college to finish a rough draft, and then, when I got a copy back from the professor, I saw that he would give me an A- if that was the final draft of the paper. I went to his office and argued with him that it was a terribly incomplete paper and there was a lot more left to do on it. He said, “So do it.”
Now, being a perfectionist is not always a bad thing. It can cause me to be more intentional about thinking through the details of projects. I can be very thorough, or, surprisingly, it can cause the complete opposite to happen. I can become so overwhelmed by trying to get all the details in place that I never get around to actually doing the thing that needs to be done. It’s called paralysis by analysis, and it’s a very real thing.
You see, being a recovering perfectionist has given me a fear of failure. I don’t like failing. I went 0-4 in softball last night and was really mad at myself. It a rec league softball game. It’s sole purpose is for me to have fun, get to know some people better and get some exercise. At the end of the year, whatever happens in this league will not affect my life whatsoever, and yet, I focus on the “failure” of going 0-4.
As a pastor, failure is a very real and ever-present reality… depending on what you define as a failure. I think part of the struggles that I have had in ministry is that I think not being able to implement something or having something not work would be a failure in my own eyes. And I don’t want to fail. So, I get caught up in the details and experience the dreaded analysis paralysis.
But, lately, I’ve been thinking about an even bigger fear – irrelevance. Here’s what I mean by that – not that I need to the be the cool, hip pastor in town (let’s face it, that’s not going to happen), but that, when I look back at the end of my days, I don’t want to think that I have just wasted my life, pursuing meaningless things. It’s really easy to get caught up in the weekly tasks and lose sight of the bigger picture. It’s also easy to get so caught up in the big picture that you never notice the little things that you’ve accomplished along the way. I don’t want to look back with regret, saying, “I wish I had…” I want to make a difference in people’s lives for the glory of God.
In the last month, I’ve started being more intentional about my development as a leader. I’ve always been interested in reading and listening on leadership, but putting it into action has been a whole different enchilada. So, I’m seeing a counselor to remove some of the mental roadblocks that I’ve put up through the years. I’m meeting with a coach to help me with specific things relating to ministry. And I’m trying to be more intentional about getting together with ministry peers to talk about ministry on a level that you just can’t with anybody else.
And I’m reminded of the words in Joshua 1. Joshua was selected to lead the Israelites after the death of Moses. How do you follow Moses?!? I imagine it was a daunting task. And then he hears these words:
[5] No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. [6] Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. [7] Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go. [8] This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. [9] Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:5-9 ESV)
Be strong and courageous. Three times, God says this to Joshua. And there is a promise, that as long as they stay focused on God, they will be successful. God is with them wherever they go, just stay focused on the Word of the Lord. And the Israelites prove God’s word to be true. As long as they rely on Him, things go well. It’s when they don’t that things start going down the drain.
And so, let those words encourage you today as well. Be strong and courageous for God is with us.
Pastor Swish - Life, Ministry, and Other Stuff 