Don’t Worry About Others

Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people – unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful. You’ll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they’re saying, and what they’re thinking, and what they’re up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind.

Meditations, Marcus Aurelius

How much head-space do we allow other people to have in our lives?

You’ve may have heard the saying, “So-and-so lives rent-free in his head.” What does that mean? It means that this person is obsessively thinking about what the other person is doing, saying, or thinking.

The example that I can think of, and this is only because I saw something come across my Facebook (or Twitter) feed just yesterday is sports commentator Skip Bayless is constantly obsessing over LeBron James. It’s like he is just looking for ways to diminish his greatness. (Because, like him or not, he is one of the greatest players in this generation and the game as a whole; that is objectively true. And saying this doesn’t damage the greatness of other players in NBA history either.) And, of course, it makes me wonder how often LeBron thinks about Skip Bayless. I’m kidding. I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere between “never” and “not at all”.

But this is also how it goes for us. Whoever it is that we are allowing to live rent-free in our heads most likely doesn’t afford us the same kind of living conditions in theirs. All this really does in the end is make us bitter, angry people who can’t really accomplish what needs to be done, and we fail to live into our potential.

I do appreciate the one sidebar, the one exception, that is mentioned here – “unless it affects the common good”. This is essential. We need to keep the bigger picture in mind. We need to look at society as a whole. We need to think about the common good. In those instances where the good of the community is affected, we should be thinking about others.

The most obvious example is exactly what we have gone through as a society in the last two years. Everything from the pandemic to the political unrest. That’s two major areas that affected the common good. Where the actions of other people directly affected those around us. People died because other people were too lazy, stupid, selfish, or whatever else you want to fill in here.

The recurring discussion on gun control in American society is happening because people are dying at an alarming rate. These are times when we do need to think about the common good. Instead, we default to individual freedom at the expense of the society as a whole.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe in individual freedom, but when the freedom of one tramples on the freedom, safety and security of the whole, then that individual freedom needs to come with strings attached.

So, who is it that lives in your head rent-free? My advice: either start charging them or evict them.